DAY 2 - June 1
Customs was a breeze, literally it went by almost as fast as the past 48 hours.
Where do I start?
How about gay bingo? Fast forward through my delirious 6 hours with Jim of Horsemeat Disco picking me up from the airport, taking me through my first tube ride with chatter + gossip about his long night and epic past week of flying to New York for Hercules + Love Affair live and a flurry of club gigs, to Severino picking
me up from Jim's for my first Sunday in London.
Before heading to my first ever evening at Horsemeat Disco, a club night Kenvulsion has been pumping me up about since I met him, Severino (one of Horsemeats residentjockeys) took me to SOHO. Before we got into to the teaser bar (with a name too cheesy to be mentioned here) I got a double decker 2nd floor view of the Big Ben, Picadilly Circle, and home to the Queen, the church-place of the famous Diana funeral, and finally the eye of London which is essentially a grown ups ferris wheel.
SOHO is gay, even the straight bars, regular shops are pretty gay, even construction barricade and scaffolding here is gay. Its kind of like an inside out mallfor gays and their friends, it looks almost like a Las Vegas parody of itself. On a Sunday night around 7pm all the pubs have patrons spilled out onto the sidewalks and queens falling over other queens. Its like if the Castro had better bars, with better restaurants, and more excited looks on peoples faces... its like THAT!
After a cheese + lettuce baguette sandwich Seve and I split we walked into the place that had this so called "Gay Bingo." Now, mind you, I had my own fantasy of what Gay Bingo in a London pub would be like, included in that fantasy was a smoke filled high ceiling dive with busty trannies, cardboard bingo pages, and raucous gays. After we passed the bouncers and hit the grand entrance hallway of inset Plexiglas color-undulating circles and stars it hit me how wrong my imagination had taken me... Um, Mercury is in retrograde and it has taken full effect.
The star of Gay Bingo is a "famous" club promoter and performer named Jonny Woo. Naturally I thought Mr. Woo (spelling?) would bea commanding asian skinny thing in the vein of Polk Street but, like I said, things are mixed up right now and the Mr./Ms. is a tall skinny Caucasian savant followed by a pack of trannies in the vein of John Waters and the Cockettes. Each number for Bingo is called out by Mr./Ms. Woo but within the context of an ad-lib diatribe, improvisational skit with the audience, or pure trash talk. Full house is the name of the game but between the wall to wall motif of blinking circle and star shapes, the bearded tranny DJs, grand suprise tranny entrances, beers + cocktails, cruising, and Sotheby's auction microphone gibberish people often get it wrong, and when you get it wrong, you get it hard from the hilarious Johnny Woo.
Outside of its camp name, people being encouraged to sit on the bar floor to spectate, and its not quite appropriate venue, Gay Bingo is the poor mans broadway with the tag line "pure brilliance." I laughed, I cried, I checked out boys boys I was with had already done trinkets with and then bam! I was tipsy. It didn't take much, honestly I think the fact that my Peroni was $10 US pushed the jew in me to make it work. A hip, skip, and a 50 year old drug pusher mom-type lady legend sighting in a pedestrian walkway later (she was on the phone and too busy to talk to me and Seve) we were at the Eagle Tavern.
For my first night at Horsemeat, my intentions were pure, honestly. I was excited about seeing the venue, excited about meeting James the final missing piece in the holy trinity and later to be hostess with the mostest, and excited about seeing what all the fuss was about. The following in a drink by drink play:
Drink #1 (technically #3 after Gay Bingo Peroni's) - Tall Beer
Drink #2 - Tall Beer
Drink #3 - Tall Beer
Drink #4 - Sips of a Tall Boy Heinekin
I am falling asleep in James floor while he plays me the disco-fied I Love Lucy theme song and the new Sticky Disc 12". I pass out with my clothes on like an AMATEUR!
Before I know it I am being woken up to a chipper handsome morning version of James, homemade italian espressos, my firstever bowl of porridge, and a trip to the Ministry of Sound headquarters/radio station.
(c) Homochic 2008
Where do I start?
How about gay bingo? Fast forward through my delirious 6 hours with Jim of Horsemeat Disco picking me up from the airport, taking me through my first tube ride with chatter + gossip about his long night and epic past week of flying to New York for Hercules + Love Affair live and a flurry of club gigs, to Severino picking
me up from Jim's for my first Sunday in London.
Before heading to my first ever evening at Horsemeat Disco, a club night Kenvulsion has been pumping me up about since I met him, Severino (one of Horsemeats residentjockeys) took me to SOHO. Before we got into to the teaser bar (with a name too cheesy to be mentioned here) I got a double decker 2nd floor view of the Big Ben, Picadilly Circle, and home to the Queen, the church-place of the famous Diana funeral, and finally the eye of London which is essentially a grown ups ferris wheel.
SOHO is gay, even the straight bars, regular shops are pretty gay, even construction barricade and scaffolding here is gay. Its kind of like an inside out mallfor gays and their friends, it looks almost like a Las Vegas parody of itself. On a Sunday night around 7pm all the pubs have patrons spilled out onto the sidewalks and queens falling over other queens. Its like if the Castro had better bars, with better restaurants, and more excited looks on peoples faces... its like THAT!
After a cheese + lettuce baguette sandwich Seve and I split we walked into the place that had this so called "Gay Bingo." Now, mind you, I had my own fantasy of what Gay Bingo in a London pub would be like, included in that fantasy was a smoke filled high ceiling dive with busty trannies, cardboard bingo pages, and raucous gays. After we passed the bouncers and hit the grand entrance hallway of inset Plexiglas color-undulating circles and stars it hit me how wrong my imagination had taken me... Um, Mercury is in retrograde and it has taken full effect.
The star of Gay Bingo is a "famous" club promoter and performer named Jonny Woo. Naturally I thought Mr. Woo (spelling?) would bea commanding asian skinny thing in the vein of Polk Street but, like I said, things are mixed up right now and the Mr./Ms. is a tall skinny Caucasian savant followed by a pack of trannies in the vein of John Waters and the Cockettes. Each number for Bingo is called out by Mr./Ms. Woo but within the context of an ad-lib diatribe, improvisational skit with the audience, or pure trash talk. Full house is the name of the game but between the wall to wall motif of blinking circle and star shapes, the bearded tranny DJs, grand suprise tranny entrances, beers + cocktails, cruising, and Sotheby's auction microphone gibberish people often get it wrong, and when you get it wrong, you get it hard from the hilarious Johnny Woo.
Outside of its camp name, people being encouraged to sit on the bar floor to spectate, and its not quite appropriate venue, Gay Bingo is the poor mans broadway with the tag line "pure brilliance." I laughed, I cried, I checked out boys boys I was with had already done trinkets with and then bam! I was tipsy. It didn't take much, honestly I think the fact that my Peroni was $10 US pushed the jew in me to make it work. A hip, skip, and a 50 year old drug pusher mom-type lady legend sighting in a pedestrian walkway later (she was on the phone and too busy to talk to me and Seve) we were at the Eagle Tavern.
For my first night at Horsemeat, my intentions were pure, honestly. I was excited about seeing the venue, excited about meeting James the final missing piece in the holy trinity and later to be hostess with the mostest, and excited about seeing what all the fuss was about. The following in a drink by drink play:
Drink #1 (technically #3 after Gay Bingo Peroni's) - Tall Beer
- Jim spoils me rotten with a handfull of drink tickets and then I get to meet Jon Shanks a buddy I have been chatting with online for months prior.
- Before things get messy I want to mark my prey and I have seen at-least 3 for the top 10, one which is wearing some dumb slogan tee but is straight out of a straight skater boy goes to the gym to get fucked porno
- I go to the bathroom for a piss which is full of hot men (all playing it butch for the cameras) chatting, watching the urinal peep show, and waiting for private shitters to do various unmentionables.
Drink #2 - Tall Beer
- James is done spinning a.k.a looking good and sounding better, or sounding good and looking better or just working my pussy
- I throw down my dancefloor homage to the bearensteins, sindri, and the herreras
- I discover the outdoor patio which is packed with jawdropping 70's cinema lens-pull-zoom moments lit by a caged jet flame fireplace
- I try to pull my shit together to talk to strangers but the sight of Mr. Ted's, a manly-tranny working out his green beret military fantasy tells me to just let go
- I get rejected by skater boy mentioned earlier with a FIRM "I'm not interested," all I asked was if he wanted a drink.
- I have a moment in a private toilet where I realize that it wasn't just Jim's toilet that was buggy, no EVERY toilet in London is a hot mess.
Drink #3 - Tall Beer
- Things get patchy, I am flanked in a corner in the back patio by the hottest boys at the party, talking about old school Tonka rave days
- Paolo aka Titto Matto plays a big band swing disco track that blows my mind and then I notice form behind the booth he has been wearing clear plastic trousers all night.
- I get hit on by a shirtless hairy transplant American who I convince to help me hit on another guy who ends up in the cab me + James are in to head home.
- The "fit lad", a brit term Jon said about 80 times that night, gets dropped off at his flat and then somehow we end up at a corner store for crisps, more beer, and makings for a brilliant quesadilla.
- I convince the nigerian cab driver to give me the cassette he was playing in the cab which he VERY willingly gave to me...
Drink #4 - Sips of a Tall Boy Heinekin
I am falling asleep in James floor while he plays me the disco-fied I Love Lucy theme song and the new Sticky Disc 12". I pass out with my clothes on like an AMATEUR!
Before I know it I am being woken up to a chipper handsome morning version of James, homemade italian espressos, my firstever bowl of porridge, and a trip to the Ministry of Sound headquarters/radio station.
(c) Homochic 2008
posted by Honey | 9:09 AM
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