IBIZA 2008

Not ready to talk about IBIZA yet, maybe I should get checked first ;)
heres the skinny:


(c) Homochic 2008

So I finally started to get Euro-home-sick today, big time. I was responding to a queen from Glastonbury's message on Facebook and I just got this sinking feeling about being in U.S. again. There is so much shit going on in th city right now but really nothing compares to what I got to experience. It is very bizarre to experience something as mind blowing as getting a free ticket and 3-star shuttle bus ride and main stage performing slots to one of the biggest, oldest music festivals in the world and come right back to dj'ing the deco lounge in the Tenderloin San Francisco.

To start off Glastonbury I decided that I must start my first impressions with a gag. I wore the strawberry blonde "nordic butt rock" wig that Ambrosia Salad stole for my trip from H&M SF mannequin dressing wig box and decided I would try to play it off as my real hair for the entire first 6 hours of my Glasto experience. The wig looked horrendous and only Severino, Jim, and the Texan knew the entire buss ride the ridiculous look I was pushing. All the other queens on the bus are London's premier drag royalty, all of whom have paid their dues to the stage and asked to go on this all expenses paid trip all to embellish New York City Downlow, the only gay nightclub to ever grace the muddy waters of the festivals hillsides. This was the second year and many of the tranny's aboard the bus had been there for its first year inception.

All I knew of this mystical New York 1970's throwback homage was the pictures of the front of the venue. I had no idea that behind the facade was a huge 300 person back box nightclub under a vinyl tent complete with vintage disco lighting and ghetto, neon lit, bar, and fabulously stripped down backstage.

Skip the long bus ride which included a blown up car on the highway that made the bus have to go on a long detour that got us no where. Skip finding the two San Francisco kids on the bus who had just flown out the day before to work the bar at the Downlow. Lets go straight to the grand entrance. After we finally found the "talent" entrance it turned out that we were going to get a cunty escort service by festival cops in front of the coach and in back of the coach riding us all the way through the festival grounds to where the club was located. This is unheard of and so It was quite bizarre to have all of the queens in face, the bus's busted P.A. bumpin crunchy disco sounds, and every range of reaction to this blatant display of faggotry. One thing is for sure, whether everyone was into the parade I sure loved the preview I got to the delicious meat horsing around on day 1, droool!

Once to the Downlow, to no surprise, there was a red carpet waiting along with the butch builder crew, a bumpin' soundsystem, champaign, spectators + press with flashing cameras!
It had begun.

Fast forward, the first night at the DL was no soft opener, it being a Thursday night and barley any live acts on at the festival stages EVERYONE headed for the little clubtown / burning man rip off island complete with weird art cars, robot things, and fire. Trash City is where the Downlow resides. Outside, and a new addition to the ever expanding project, there is balcony that looks from the exterior like a blown out second floor apartment building complete with shower, telephone, and even toilet! The first night I decided to get up there (as was done every night) and taunt the line to get into the club by screaming nonsense in my American accent through a megaphone. The response was always mixed, the last night of the festival I got up on this very balcony in a wig and the HNY speedo and really let the crowd have it. At one point I was being shot at by kids with marshmallow cannons and other revelers climbed up the dangerously fake set to try to get to my throat. Below me there was always a scene of various Downlow tranny's freaking out hippie grandma's and straight boys on E.

Inside the Downlow was one of the greatest gay nightclub experiences in the world, throwback WHATEVER, this is a real thriving living experience like no other in the world. No comparing. Its like if Burning Man had a good nightclub, with drag acts, and great music, and good lighting, and a cunty bar. I really would actually like the videos to speak for themselves, there is just too much to say and very little I want to express. I didn't cry when it was over, I should have.

The backstage on the other hand... The campsite... three words: HOT TRANNY MESS.
What do you get when you add Ma Butcher (London Tranny), a boom box, a cd with "the sun will come out tommorow" on loop for god know how many hours, and daylight creeping into a campsite full of workers from Trash City (not all clued into the NYC Downlow vibe)? You get a lot of angry, tired, hung over queens ready to kick some balls in pantyhose. Check out the video of the two tranny's on the bail of hay and you can see the post-camp-singalong-looks.

Who is SCOTTEE? Scottee is the hot new kid promoter / dj / performer with a bestfriend / sidekick that might as well be a handbag or Prada accessory the way he was NEVER not more then two steps behind scottee the entire 4 days. SCOTTEE and his sidekick whos name I really never got solid were always working the club-kid meets Beetle juice meets 77 punk meets bowie meets oscar the grouch vibe. They were always in a cunty mood and always ready to throw weeks old uncut nails at you at any appropriate moment. Definitely high up on my list of Down low favorites.

One of my favorite performers of the whole trip, Pia, who has a brilliant page portrait in the BUTT MAGAZINE (no shit I took like a million copies, ask me for one) designed program for the Downlow weekend events and bios. She is featured as the head to toe covered in fake blood diva in one of the backstage youtube videos from the downlow and also featured in one of the very first videos on the blog at Gay Bingo. Pia is a genuine gender fuck diva like no other, she has attitude, she can drive a truck, and she can make couture out of sleeping bags and gaffers tape (see the vogue ball). She is kind of like if Bambi of banned from Trannyshack San Francisco fame, had an illegitimate child and neglected it into brilliance!

And then there is Johnny Woo from Gay Bingo weeks before. Lets just say from the bitch that I thought she was from meeting her out of face the first time, this queen turned things around for me. She IS LA, she IS NY, she IS SF, and she owns LONDON! Whether it was her flawless mike adlibs, almost getting arrested for freebasing in stale 24 hour drag in front of Glasto-cops, wearing an clear pink plastic pool toy as a dress for 2 days, voguing for the London Guardian's VIP tent, or just being real, Johnny is a legend for a reason. Johnny must be seen to be believed, move over tired fat SF diva's there is a real stage presence to be had and its half your size and twice your ego.

Every night the backstage was something different and something exactly the same. Lots of beer and cocktails, lots of powder on the face and powder up the nose, and lots of hot talk. There was always a theme each night especially the night of the Vogue Ball which consisted of three out of it judges and categories that were debated like 3 weeks ahead of time.

Every day I tried to go out and experience something new about the 180,000 person festival. My favorite concert experience was by far MGMT and then BATTLES on the same stage killing it! My favorite outside of down low experience was getting it on in a tent listening to Leonard Cohen live on the main stage. The said boy will be a re-occurring character who would eventually be responsible for leaving me on a plane back to the U.S. drunken post-nasties shambles.

Favorite festival was Jamaican Jerk Chicken, Rice, Fried Plantains, and Beans.

Favorite bathroom experience was taking a shit during Andy Butlers set backstage at the Guardian VIP fully flushable private stalled "Bright Pink Oasis Area."

Things not to do at Glastonbury:
Wear wellies without socks
Not wear wellies
See a DJ during daylight (boring)
Don't avoid the hippie food, its the best for you and totally worth the price
If you gotta shit, use a long drop, the Glastonbury special toilets that are exactly how they sound
The Country Stage

Things to do at Glastonbury:
Jazz Stage
Laugh at Jay-Z
Get cellphone reception
Make straight boys uncomfortable


(c) Homochic 2008